We All Fall Down
by will o' the wisp
Summary: The rating is just to be safe, the fic's pretty dark. Heero suffers a mental crackdown and is put in a psychiatric ward. This story deals with how it affects the other pilots and Relena. Slight 3x4 mentioning of 2x1 Rx? in the future. Will deal with death
1. He's Come Undone

Disclaimer: Ahem, I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters. The psychiatric disease mentioned in this fic is purely fictional, I am not a practicing psychiatrist so don't take anything I say literally. It's all fiction! Don't sue me because of this fic, if you have to sue me find a better excuse.  
  
We All Fall Down  
  
Chapter 1: He's Come Undone  
  
Relena looked around the small waiting room she was sitting in. Quatre and Trowa sat in opposite corner of the room holding hands. The expression of Quatre's face reflected her own distress. To her left Duo was failing at his attempt to sit still, figiting every five seconds. He slouched, and sat up, he tapped his foot and then stopped, he slouched again, he jumped up and then sat down.....Wufei sat across from Duo and though his face beared no expression Relena could sense his deep concern.  
  
She thought how odd it was that people who shared such a strong bond could only be brought together by such unfortunate circumstances. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that they would be reunited in a psychiatric ward.  
  
Their heads all turned as the door opened with a creak. A tall woman in her early thirties peered over her thick rimmed glasses at the five of them. Her slender figure draped in a white lab coat and her dark hair tied up in a tight bun. "Good afternoon," She said in a clear tone "I'm Doctor Harrison I've been put in charge of Mr. Yuy's case. I'm glad you all could make it. There is much to be discussed, would you please join me in my office?"  
  
Duo bounced out of his chair and leaped towards the door, startling the psychiatrist. The others stood up silently and followed. They walked down a long white hallway and turned into a fair sized office. One by one the filed into the five chairs that sat in front of the oak desk.  
  
Quatre looked around, there where book shelves filled with a miriad of books on various disorders and diseases from familiar terms such as bipolar syndrome and depressions to diseases he could not pronounce much less identify. The room was old, it's architectural style reminicant of the art deco era. In the corners of the ceiling small plaster molds decorated the room. The wood floor was waxed to an unnervingly clean polish though a portion of it was covered by a neat little rug.  
  
Doctor Harrison sat down behind her desk and opened a folder that lay before her labeled "Yuy, Heero." "You are probably all extremely concerned for your friend Mr. Yuy so I shall get to the point." She began "Mr. Yuy is suffering from a rare form of schitzophrenic depression known as Adalbrecht Syndrome. Due to repressed tramatic expierences his brain has expierenced an overload of emotional sensory, and therefor has ceased to function correctly."  
  
She looked up to make sure she hadn't lost anyone and then continued "His concience has essentially been ripped into several different pieces each instructing him to do something else. One part of him is trying to block out everything that has happened, another wants him to lash his anger and frustration out on the world, still another tells him to shut down completely turning him into a vegetable, and another is trying to make him face everything all at once causing an emotional breakdown-"  
  
"Can it be fixed?" Duo interupted. He had grown impatient with all of the psycho babble, he wanted an answer.  
  
"The concience can be made whole again, yes. But it is an extremely rare occurance. There have only been four cases where Adalbrecht Syndrome was treated sucsessfully. I do not say that it is impossible, only extremely difficult."  
  
Duo's heart plummeted into his stomach "Oh." He replied weakly.  
  
Relena collected herself with a cleansing breath, she tried to approach the situation with a calm and rational manner "I see." She replied "What made those cases sucsessful?"  
  
The Doctor smiled slightly "That Ms. Darlian is an excellent question, however an extremely difficult one to answer. From my studies I have concluded that therapy, appropriate social interaction, and medication can only do so much. These cases where not very different from ones treated unsuccessfully. I therefor am forced to conclude that the sucsess was determined by an unknown variable in these patients."  
  
"Can-can we see him?" Quatre asked, the words where forced akwardly from his mouth. He could not comprehend anything that she said. 'How could this happen?' He asked himself 'How could such a strong person be broken like this? It isn't fair! This shouldn't have happened to him...'  
  
"Yes," The doctor replied "Follow me."  
  
She led them to a place none of them ever thought they would see, a padded room. The sight of it was more morose than anyone could have expected. As Relena's eyes drifted to a corner of the the room she felt her heart being ripped from her chest. Heero lay curled up in a ball staring vacantly at them. As she looked into his Prussian blue eyes Relena thought she had seen death.  
  
He didn't seem to notice any of them, maybe he didn't even recognize them. He just lied there like a broken rag doll, a prisoner of his own mind. Duo choked on his tears, the man he had loved for so long, was reduced to this! He found himself leaning onto Relena for balance for his legs could not support him.  
  
He was even more surprised when he found her arm underneath him, gently supporting him. Duo looked at her perfectly still frame, feet firmly planted on the cool blue eyes staring at the body in the corner. He wanted to yank those cool blue eyes from that cool pale face! 'How dare she act like this? How dare she stand so still, so unwavering in the face of this tragedy? Did she even care?' He asked himself. Had he felt stronger he wanted to throw her polite little body down to the floor and beat her.  
  
He gave himself a proverbial smack upside the head. 'She hurts just as much as you do,' He reminded himself 'She loved him too.' He felt ashamed for a moment but that shame was conquered by self pity and loathing 'No! She didn't understand him! How could she love him?' And so back and forth and back and forth Duo went spiralling into his own universe of thought.  
  
Quatre watched Relena, his hand firmly clenching Trowa's. He had always admired her strength. She didn't cry, she didn't even frown, she just stood there with a benevolent serentity draped around her, which no doubt hid a tremendous amount of inner turmoil. Furthermore she had the strength to support those in need, (mainly Duo) in the midst of her own crisis. She was truly remarkable.  
  
Trowa held his lover's white hand gently. Though he was deeply hurt by the site before them he knew his pain could not match Quatre's, for he had been a much more sensitive soul. Trowa could almost hear his heart break. He leaned over gently and kissed him on the head, hoping to calm him. His attention wandered to Wufei who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. 'What does he think of all this?' Trowa wondered.  
  
Wufei had always been somewhat of an enigma to him. The man felt so passionately about everything, yet he seemed very cold even aloof at times. He was a noble fighter, yet he did not seem to care for anything worth fighting for. There was his honor, but that just didn't seem like enough....  
  
Wufei watched Duo from the corner of his eye. He could not help but be disgusted by his weakness. He was soft, too soft and now he had to pay the price. There he was hanging onto a woman he despised leeching off of her strength. 'Weakling!' He thought. But he had already known that. Maxwell was severly unhinged, and sooner or later he was going to crack. 'How long before he joins Yuy?' He wondered.  
  
He never suspected Heero of being weak, so he was a bit surprised to find him in a psychiatric ward. He had expected to see Maxwell there first. But it happened, and there was nothing he could do about it, so he accepted it.  
  
Relena swallowed hard, as she tried to accept the site before her eyes. She had never seen Heero like this, never in her memory had she seen him reduced to something so small. She stood still gently supporting Duo. She was always the stronger one, much stronger than anyone knew.  
  
She had long realized that Heero didn't love her, that he never loved in her in fact. She questioned whether he had loved anyone, he seemed too far gone. She could never really figure out if he loved Duo or not. She knew Duo couldn't stand her. When they first met he had been pleasant, but as they rivaled for Heero's affections she became his enemy.  
  
She never hated Duo, though at one point she was jealous of him. She was jealous over the fact Duo could understand Heero in a way she never could. He understood the darkest parts of him. The parts that where stripped of their innocence by those who he had killed. She envied Duo's position as a brother in arms. That jealousy past quickly though. And now that she saw what that darkness had brought to Heero, she dreaded ever seeing it with her own eyes.  
  
She wanted to think more about war, innocence, brotherhood, and the five boys who had changed her life. She wanted to think more about Heero, Duo, and herself. She just wanted more time to absorb everything, but she was interupted. "I'm sorry," Doctor Harrison said "But you have to leave now. Visiting hours are over."  
  
The group started turning to the door. Relena still proping up Duo spoke softly to him "I know this is very hard for you." She began. "You have no idea." Duo replied "He never loved you."  
  
Relena stood horrified by that last statement, she wanted to drop Duo Maxwell to the floor and leave him there. 'What an ungrateful rude pig!' She exclaimed inwardly 'How dare he say that?! I hold him up when he can't stand and this the thanks I get! Good god!' She stopped gently reminded herself that what he said was true, and the rudeness of his words had come from a deep pain.  
  
"I understand more than you think." She answered with an even patient tone. She tried to think of the best way to word her thoughts. She wanted Duo to stay with her for a while, for his sake. If he were in a place where he wouldn't have to worry about buying enough food or paying the rent he could perhaps focus on his emotions and sort out everything he was feeling. She would have hated to have to come to the hospital again to see him there. "If you would like to," She began "I mean, I would like you to, er, maybe it would be good for you...." She began to trail off. Collecting herself she took a deep breath and spit out exactly what was on her mind "Come stay with me for a while!"  
  
Duo's jaw dropped. He wasn't expecting that! He wanted to have some brilliant response to that statement but his mind faultered, the next words that flew out of his mouth he deeply regretted "Oh I get it! Done with one Gundam pilot and onto the next, is that it?!"  
  
It was too late, Relena's fists clenched in anger and her bubble of perfection burst. "How dare you even suggest such a thing Duo Maxwell! I have been very patient with you but that's it! I've had it! What do you take me for a human crutch! I am not here for you to lean on and I am certainly not here for you to vent your frustration! You don't want to stay with me, that's fine! But I have done nothing to deserve what you have just said!" With that she whirled around and ran towards the exit.  
  
Duo felt his face grow hot with shame. She was right she didn't deserve anything that he said. He had used her for his own support, and treated her like dirt. Duo cursed at himself silently. He wanted to chase after her and apologize but he found himself stuck in one place, his body forbid him to move. A wave of a thousand feelings washed over him. Love, hate, regret, shame, anger, self-loathing, and pain crashed around him. Fighting for every step Duo trudged towards the exit doors. 


	2. No one is alone

Disclaimer: See previous chapter, in addition I do own something in this fic! I own Prue Hathaway, Mrs. Basil and Marcy Ammerman! Huzzah!  
  
We All Fall Down  
  
Chapter 2: No One Is Alone  
  
Relena caught the next flight to Boston. She needed release, she needed to vent, she needed to hear the voice of reason speaking to her again, she needed Prue. Relena had met Prue Hathaway some number of years ago at a social gathering. The two young women, frighteningly grown up for their age became fast friends.  
  
Relena sank deeper into the leather couch and continued to ramble "And the whole time I was there I just kept on thinking that it was all somehow my fault, and maybe if I had done something different he wouldn't be there. Maybe if I had gotten closer to him, or maybe if I left him alone, goddamnit Prue I should have done something!"  
  
Prue poured coffee into two large mugs as she spoke "The way you describe it, it seems to me like this guy had dived way off the deep end. Don't beat yourself up over it, there's nothing that you could have done." She walked towards Relena and sat down in armchair beside the couch placing the two ceramic mugs on the coffee-table in front of them.  
  
"Prue," Relena asked "Have you ever known someone like that? I mean, someone with a mental disorder?"  
  
Prue pushed a loose strand of wavy brown hair off of her face and replied "Yea I did. In college, there was this girl Marcy Ammerman, she was a friend of mine. Brilliant music major, anyways Marcy was bipolar, except she wouldn't take any medication she said they killed her creative spirit. When she was up she was really up, I mean she felt totally brilliant and invincible. But when she was down, oh god....She would leave these frantic messages on my answering machine about how she was ontop of her appartment and she was gonna jump. And I would always rush over there and talk her out of it."  
  
"So what happened?" Relena asked leaning in with intrigue.  
  
Prue sighed heavily "Well this one time, she called and I rushed over there as fast as I could. Except there was an accident on the intersection of Chapel Street and Hill Street, and I got caught in traffic." Prue paused for a moment and then looked up "That day I was too late. By the time I got there Marcy Ammerman had swan-dived onto the pavement."  
  
Relena felt ashamed for asking such a personal question, she wished she had never brought up the topic. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"Don't be." Prue replied. "Anyways I beat myself up for months about it. What if I gotten home earlier, and heard the message sooner? What if I ran instead of taking the car? It took a while but I realized there was nothing I could have done, all the times I stopped her I was just delaying the inevidable. Sooner or later Marcy would have jumped." She looked at Relena "Don't make the same mistake I did, don't blame yourself."  
  
"Thanks." Relena said "That helped a lot. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in this whole mess."  
  
Prue smiled nostagically "To quote Steven Sondhiem, you are not alone, no one is alone."  
  
For a moment Relena stood in awe of the amazing Prue Hathaway. The genius hiding behind big sweaters, and thick rimmed glasses. 'How does she always know the right thing to say?' Relena wondered, then the phone rang.  
  
Prue bolted out of her chair and grabbed the phone "Hello....Yes, she's here. Hold on a sec," She turned to Relena extending the phone to her "Relena, it's for you. It's your housekeeper." Relena was puzzled she couldn't think of a reason why Mrs. Basil would be calling. She got up nonetheless and accepted the phone.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Basil?"  
  
"Yes it's me Ms. Darlian. I'm very sorry to bother you, but there's a man here. He says his name is Duo Maxwell, and you invited him to stay here. I told him to leave but he insisted on me calling you."  
  
Relena's eyes widened with surprise. Duo was the last person on earth she expected to show up at her house. A part of her wanted to say that she had never even heard of Duo Maxwell and that she wanted security guards to come and take him off the grounds of her house immediatley, that would certainly be fair payback for the way he spoke to her. But she knew she would never do something like that. Duo needed a place to stay where he could sort out his feelings without worrying about anything else, and if she was able to provide such a place it was her duty as a decent human being to allow him to stay there.  
  
"I'm sorry Mrs. Basil, I guess I forgot to tell you. Mr. Maxwell is allowed to stay as long as he likes. He may take the northern guest room." She paused and then added "Will you please arrange for me to take the next flight out of Boston home?"  
  
"Yes Ms Darlian, I'm sorry to have disturbed you."  
  
"No it was no trouble at all, good bye Mrs. Basil."  
  
"Good bye Ms Darlian."  
  
Relena looked to her friend "I'm sorry I'm leaving on such short notice, it's sort of an emergency." Prue cocked a dark eyebrow with surprise "This isn't the same Duo Maxwell that said all those horrible things to you, is it?"  
  
Relena sighed "Unfortunately it is. Before you say anything Prue, it's not what you think. I'm not letting him walk all over me, he really needs help. He and Heero, they had a history, kind of."  
  
Prue took another sip of coffee "Hey it's your life. I won't pass any judgement on you. Just promise me you won't let him abuse you."  
  
Relena smiled "I promise."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That night Relena had a strange dream. She was standing at the ledge of a tall building ready to jump. She could hear voices all around her whispering things she couldn't understand. When she looked down she could see Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei watching her with disaproving eyes. But that had not mattered, she let herself go.  
  
As she felt her feet leave the concrete surface of the ledge her heart soared. And as she plummeted downward she felt glorious relief. It was ironic, Relena felt most alive seconds before death. It was as if the great weight of lofty expectations had been lifted off of her shoulders. The senseless muttering of the voice faded and she could hear one clear voice. It was Prue, and just before Relena fell to the ground Prue said "You only live once."  
  
Relena sat up in her bed.  
  
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Yes, I know this was kind of short. The next chapter will be longer, I promise. This chapter was mostly stuff that felt was kinda neccisary for atmosphere, there will be more of the G-gang in future chapters. Please Review, I really want to know what you think. Much love! ~Lady R 


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